Do you pay attention, or seek attention? Attention is just attention, right? No! There’s a huge difference between seeking attention and paying attention. Think about the kid in school who will do anything for attention—singing during the lesson, interrupting the teacher or other students, grabbing another student’s ponytail, calling someone a … [Read more...]
How to Get People to Do What You Want!
Do I have your attention now?! The quest to get people to do what you want brings many people into therapy, whether you want the partner, child, friend, client, or parents to stop smoking, be nice, have sex more often, have sex less often, eat more vegetables and fruit, exercise, do homework, respect you, clean the bathroom, or pay … [Read more...]
Play by the (Relationship) Rules!
Do you have relationship rules for your partner? When one half of a couple makes rules for the couple, look out! Parents make rules for children, so the person who’s making the rules has cast him or herself as the parent and the partner as the child. Why would either partner find this satisfying? Rules equal safety The partner in the … [Read more...]
The Geographical Fix vs. Therapy
In Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), members talk about going for a geographical fix. What is a geographical fix, you ask? It’s the idea that if you’re miserable in NYC, you can fix your life by moving to San Francisco or some other place. Or if you’re unhappy in your relationship with John or Johanna, you need only dump them and go for Bob … [Read more...]
What “Size” for Therapy: Long or Short?
The buzz in therapy circles in April 2012 concerned a New York Times article written by a NYC psychotherapist, Jonathan Alpert, who inflates his credentials and bashes long-term treatment and the therapists who provide it. He implies that long-term therapy is only for severe psychological disorders—and he doesn’t consider depression … [Read more...]
“Because You Loved Me”—Co-Dependency or Good Parenting?
A few years ago I was waiting in a doctor’s office and, having forgotten to bring the parenting book I was studying, was at the mercy of Muzak. One of the songs that came on was a Céline Dion hit written by Diane Warren, “Because You Loved Me.” I listened to the words—yes, I was bored!—and was put off by what I heard as sappy co-dependency between … [Read more...]
HBO and Narcissism
Does HBO have a monopoly on series centered around characters who suffer from narcissism? No, but the network sure has its share! There was Valerie Cherish (played by Lisa Kudrow) in “The Comeback,” which my husband swears was cancelled because the character was too excruciating to watch. Now Amy Jellicoe (Laura Dern) is … [Read more...]
“Enlightened” Superiority
Warning: This is another television-and-therapy post, this time with a focus on superiority. While flipping through the channels recently, I landed on HBO’s new series “Enlightened,” and stayed to watch because I admire actress Laura Dern’s work. She plays Amy Jellicoe, a corporate executive who has a dramatic … [Read more...]
Satisfaction or “I Could’ve Had a V-8!”
Do you find yourself saying some variation of “I could’ve had a V-8!” about the situations or choices you’ve made in your life? What does “I could’ve had a V-8!” mean, anyway? Poor decisions, or chronic lack of satisfaction? It’s an expression of a lack of satisfaction with what is. People who often feel that way experience many situations and … [Read more...]
Natural Networking
“I don’t know how to network” “Networking feels so fake” “I’m too shy to network.” Sound familiar? You know your business would improve if you networked, but you’re just too uncomfortable to try. (Read the “Comfort Zone” post to get a perspective on discomfort.) The truth is, anyone can benefit from networking. Natural … [Read more...]
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