• Home
  • Individual Counseling
    • Anxiety Therapy NYC
    • Depression Treatment NYC
    • Job and Career Support in NYC
    • Substance Use Disorder Counseling NYC
  • Couples & Parents
    • Marriage Counseling and Couples Counseling NYC
    • Parenting Counseling NYC
  • Blog
  • TESTIMONIALS
  • FAQs
  • About
    • Meet Diane Spear
    • Manhattan, NYC Office Location
  • Contact

Diane Spear

licensed clinical social worker. Union Square & Greenwich Village, NYC therapist. 212.353.0296

Caring What Others Think: Dependency and “The Newsroom”

 

video-camera-blurred-background

Dependency? “Of course I care what others think,” you may say to yourself. “Doesn’t everybody?”  Considering others’ feelings is important, but this is something different; an inordinate concern about what others think of you is a sign of dependency. Remember, dependency is needing someone else to do something (thinking well of you, in this case), so that you can feel good about yourself.

In HBO’s “The Newsroom,” news anchor Will McAvoy is devastated because New York magazine published a very unflattering cover story about him. He has even memorized some of the more damning quotes. Will can’t feel good about himself because the writer doesn’t take him as seriously as Will takes himself. A couple of mature, autonomous reactions would be, “Okay, this guy has a poor opinion of me, but I stand behind my work and how I’ve handled myself” or “He’s got a point about my bluster, and I need to rein it in because it’s not a great quality for an anchor. But I feel good about the effort I’ve put in and the fact that I can hear criticism without getting defensive.” Collapsing in humiliation is a form of dependency, a very immature response to criticism, whether constructive or not.

Former mayor of NYC Ed Koch was famous for walking around the city and calling out to his fellow citizens, “How’m I doing?” He had a genuine reason to care what the citizens he represented thought of the job he was doing on their behalf. Many people who don’t hold elected office behave in a similar fashion, being overly concerned with what others think of what they are doing, how they are dressed, how they sound, where they live, etc., and that’s counterproductive and ultimately unsatisfying.

Dependency isn’t satisfying

Where do you fall on the caring-what-others-think spectrum? Are you an Ed Koch, but with no legitimate need to know what others think, or are you comfortable enough in your own skin to hear criticism, see what fits, and leave the rest? Twelve-step programs have a great quote that addresses dependency, this over-concern with what others think: “It’s none of my business what you think of me.”

If you find yourself preoccupied with what others think of you, therapy can be very helpful in developing the ability to step out of the dependency and into autonomy. If you’d like to learn more, reach out to me here. I look forward to speaking with you.

 

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)

Related

October 16, 2012 Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related Blog Posts

  • Risk and resilience

  • What’s the Role of Worry and Anxiety in Your Life?

  • How Much Is Enough?

  • Winning Is Everything! Or Is it?

  • HBO’s ”Succession”: What Can We Learn from These Flawed Characters?

  • Abracadabra: Poof! It’s Magical Thinking!

  • The Value of Friendship

  • The Importance of Therapy for Therapists

  • Are You a Good Listener? 5 Ways to Make Sure

  • Competition? Or Ambition!

  • Dealing with the death of a pet

  • Sexual Assault Survivors, Christine Blasey Ford, and Brett Kavanaugh

  • Logic: Joy Subtraction or Joy Addition?

  • Warming Up! A Psychotherapist Reviews “Lady Bird”

  • In the News: Quoted in November 13, 2017 Huffington Post article

  • “It’s Never Too Late to Reclaim Your Life!”

  • Is Life a Pie or an Ocean? An Abundance Mentality.

  • Suffering from Post-Election Blues? 10 Tips to Overcome It!

  • Treatment Improves Self-Esteem

  • A Sense of Fun Can Be Learned in Treatment!

  • Stop Trying!

  • Love and Connection: Oliver Sacks and Living Fully

  • True Joy: Alice Herz-Sommer

  • “Enlightened” Narcissists Return!

  • Hurricane Sandy and Coping Style

  • Caring What Others Think: Dependency and “The Newsroom”

  • Pay Attention vs. Seek Attention

  • The Geographical Fix vs. Therapy

  • What “Size” for Therapy: Long or Short?

  • HBO and Narcissism

  • “Enlightened” Superiority

  • Satisfaction or “I Could’ve Had a V-8!”

  • Finding the Humor in Everyday Life

  • Learning Impulse Control from David Mamet

  • Learning Disappointment from “American Idol”

  • Finding a Therapist Online

  • Are You Doing All You Can?

  • Comfort Zone

  • Are You Checking the Boxes

Blog Categories

  • Marriage & Couples Counseling
  • Parenting
  • Anxiety & Trauma
  • Depression
  • Job & Career Support
  • Substance Use Disorder
  • General

Appointment Request Form

*Not for emergencies

    Location

    Located at the intersection of the Union Square, East Village, West Village, and Greenwich Village neighborhoods in Manhattan. Serving residents of all five boroughs of NYC and the tri-state area, and offering phone and online therapy nationally and internationally.

    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Service
    • Good Faith Estimate

    Contact

    Diane Spear, LCSW-R
    26 W. 9th Street, Suite 9E
    New York, NY 10011
    Phone: 212.353.0296

    Copyright © 2023 · Jane Theme By, Pretty Darn Cute Design

     

    Loading Comments...