One of my favorite series in recent years is HBO’s drama “Succession,” about the Roy family, led by the hugely flawed and highly successful aging patriarch Logan Roy. He is a media and entertainment mogul much like Rupert Murdoch. Logan is emotionally manipulative, pitting his adult children against each other to determine his successor. His moral … [Read more...]
Abracadabra: Poof! It’s Magical Thinking!
I met the 12-year-old son of a friend many years ago. I tried to engage him in conversation and asked him what he liked to do when he wasn’t in school. Hang out with his younger brother. Play with his cat. Cook with his mom. Eventually the conversation drifted to what ideas he had about things to do when he becomes an adult. He said he … [Read more...]
The Value of Friendship
This blog post is the second one inspired by Kerri Grote, a woman who died of brain cancer. (Here’s the first one.) Facing life challenges without a partner or children One of the things she wrote about in the letter she left for her friends was the message we get from society: We need a romantic partner who is the “love of our life.” I’ll quote … [Read more...]
The Importance of Therapy for Therapists
Sigmund Freud once said: “Anyone who wishes to practice analysis should first submit to be analyzed himself by a competent person.” The ideas in this post are important for people choosing a therapist and for therapists themselves. If you’re looking for a therapist, asking whether or not a therapist has been in treatment is an important and … [Read more...]
Are You a Good Listener? 5 Ways to Make Sure
How strong are your listening skills? Better yet, are you sure you know what strong listening skills look and sound like? Intentions matter, of course. But, in everyday life, what matters just as much is execution. You may have the desire to be a respectful, active, and validating listener. However, if that desire is not translated into action, … [Read more...]
Competition? Or Ambition!
What’s the difference between competition and ambition? Let’s look at competition... A competition is between you and others. Someone’s going to win, and it better be you! So you compare yourself to others, looking over your shoulder to see who’s gaining on you, looking ahead to see who’s outpacing you. You find yourself hoping that he … [Read more...]
Dealing with the death of a pet
Why is dealing with the death of a pet so hard? Fluffy or Fido is just an animal, right? So what’s the big deal? Many people who didn’t grow up with pets often don’t understand and will say something insensitive: “Why are you so upset? Your dog died. It’s not like it’s your mother!” What's the big deal if a pet dies? Let's look at what pets … [Read more...]
Sexual Assault Survivors, Christine Blasey Ford, and Brett Kavanaugh
The Senate Judiciary hearings on the confirmation of Judge Brett Kavanaugh as a Supreme Court justice, including the televised testimony of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, in September 2018, returned the #MeToo issues of sexual assault survivors and those who have endured sexual harassment to the glare of the public spotlight. This testimony reactivated … [Read more...]
Logic: Joy Subtraction or Joy Addition?
A common concern voiced by patients starting treatment is that thinking things through, instead of living by impulse, leads to a boring life. In other words, logic is joy subtraction rather than joy addition. Another way they may say it is “I lead with my heart instead of my brain.” How do you lead? I have to believe that if leading with emotion … [Read more...]
Warming Up! A Psychotherapist Reviews “Lady Bird”
Lady Bird What gets in the way of warming up emotionally, especially to another person? In the film “Lady Bird,” Greta Gerwig’s November 2017 directorial debut, we see a mother and her teenage daughter driving back from touring colleges. They connect emotionally listening to an audio version of John Steinbeck’s Grapes of Wrath, then launch into a … [Read more...]