Self-esteem is learning to feel good from the inside out, not by comparing yourself to others. I’ll help you learn to feel better! Many people come to New York City with dreams of finding fame and fortune. Maybe your dream is to be featured in the business section of the New York Times as someone who’s found a way to revitalize … [Read more...]
A Sense of Fun Can Be Learned in Treatment!
Fun is an attitude, as well as an activity. Your capacity for fun was shaped by your early experiences. If you didn't grow up with lighthearted parents, it's helpful to know that a sense of fun can be learned in treatment! It really is important to be able to laugh. One gauge of mental health is satisfaction in love, work, and play. And let’s … [Read more...]
Stop Trying!
Nearly 30 years ago when I worked in an alcohol-drug treatment center, a favorite gambit of counselors was to toss a tissue on the floor and say “I’m trying to pick up the tissue.” Of course nothing happened. Then they'd say, “Okay, now I’m picking up the tissue” and would actually pick it up. “I’m trying to lose weight.” “I’m trying … [Read more...]
Love and Connection: Oliver Sacks and Living Fully
Love and connection. In reading Oliver Sacks’s February 19, 2015, op-ed piece in the New York Times in which he tells us of his metastasized cancer and what he describes as his “detachment” from life, I was struck by his acute engagement with his life. He explains that knowing he has less time than previously thought means that … [Read more...]
True Joy: Alice Herz-Sommer
There’s a fascinating article in the New York Times about Alice Herz-Sommer, the oldest living Holocaust survivor, whose obituary mentioned “her unalloyed joy in making music and, quite simply, in being alive." Herz-Sommer died on February 23, 2014, at age 110. She is interesting, not just because she survived the Holocaust and lived so long, but … [Read more...]
“Enlightened” Narcissists Return!
Laura Dern, Mike White, Diane Ladd, and Luke Wilson are back for another season of HBO’s “Enlightened”—and I’m thrilled to have one of my favorite casts of narcissists (the characters they play, anyway!) return. So much material, so little time! In just the first three episodes of the season, Amy (Laura Dern’s character) has … [Read more...]
Hurricane Sandy and Coping Style
Written 10/30/12: Your reactions to Hurricane Sandy, here on the East Coast, and to other challenging situations in life reveal your default coping style. What’s your hurricane coping style? Are you someone who goes with the drama? If so, all the world is your stage! You will find plenty to work with, even more than in all the everyday … [Read more...]
Caring What Others Think: Dependency and “The Newsroom”
Dependency? “Of course I care what others think,” you may say to yourself. “Doesn’t everybody?” Considering others’ feelings is important, but this is something different; an inordinate concern about what others think of you is a sign of dependency. Remember, dependency is needing someone else to do something (thinking well of you, … [Read more...]
Pay Attention vs. Seek Attention
Do you pay attention, or seek attention? Attention is just attention, right? No! There’s a huge difference between seeking attention and paying attention. Think about the kid in school who will do anything for attention—singing during the lesson, interrupting the teacher or other students, grabbing another student’s ponytail, calling someone a … [Read more...]
The Geographical Fix vs. Therapy
In Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), members talk about going for a geographical fix. What is a geographical fix, you ask? It’s the idea that if you’re miserable in NYC, you can fix your life by moving to San Francisco or some other place. Or if you’re unhappy in your relationship with John or Johanna, you need only dump them and go for Bob … [Read more...]