I Worried
By Mary Oliver
I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers
flow in the right direction, will the earth turn as it
was taught, and if not how shall I correct it?
Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven,
can I do better?
Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows
can do it and I am, well,
hopeless.
Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it,
am I going to get rheumatism,
lockjaw, dementia?
Finally I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
And gave it up. And took my old body
and went out into the morning
and sang.
This poem by Mary Oliver describes the joy-robbing quality of worrying, which is the same as anxiety. What’s your experience of worry, of anxiety?
What was your family’s emotional style?
Did you grow up in a family that was calm, or one where people second-guessed, catastrophized, fantasized doom and gloom scenarios, or worried about what friends—or even strangers—thought of them? People generally unknowingly take their family of origin’s emotional style with them as they become adults. So it’s important to explore what you absorbed of your family’s style without realizing.
What is anxiety?
As commonly thought of (and confirmed in the clinical literature), anxiety is apprehensive expectation. You imagine the worst about unknown things in the future, whether your upcoming presentation, a date, an interview, a medical test, whatever. A person who doesn’t typically suffer from anxiety may anticipate a potential opportunity or pleasure from an unknown future event. Which approach feels better?!
The futility of “doom scrolling”
Our phones and computers are usually with us and their constant presence means it’s easy to get caught up in browsing the latest and worst.
What if:
- we have a extended global recession
- worldwide fascism becomes reality
- Southern California runs out of water
- Miami is under water
- a dictator deploys a nuclear weapon
Doom scrolling is easy in turbulent times, but what does it accomplish? Worry steals your enjoyment of everyday life and doesn’t solve any problems! Better to enjoy your life and work toward solutions in the things you can control—and work on learning which you can and can’t control.
The rabbit hole of worry
Many years ago a lovely young woman worried about how she would help her child when the child’s dog ran out of the yard and was hit by a car. Hmmm. She wasn’t in a relationship; she didn’t have a child; she lived in an apartment without a yard; and her non-existent child didn’t have a dog! What a waste of a beautiful day! She came by her worrying naturally. Her mother “practiced worrying” about everything. She certainly wasn’t on the side of a good time!
If this sounds familiar, you’re not enjoying your life! You can’t be an anxious happy person any more than you can be a depressed happy person. They just don’t go together!
Help is available
If you recognize yourself in this description of worrying and anxiety, do yourself a favor and read more about anxiety treatment and contact me. Let’s work together to learn about the roots of your anxiety and help you learn to enjoy your life, instead of worrying about it!
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