“Is this the right person for me?”
How many times have you heard your friends ask this question when they’re dating someone?
Or maybe you’ve asked it yourself.
The answer is….(insert drumroll here): It’s the wrong question!
The right question is “Am I the right person in this—or any—relationship?” Turn that magnifying glass on yourself and look at whether you’re a warm, loving, responsible person of good character—the same important qualities you’d presumably look for in a partner.
What’s important in a relationship?
While the external attributes may seem the most important when you start therapy, by the time you’ve done some work on yourself with a good therapist, you’ve hopefully realized that window-dressing, in the form of beauty, accomplishments, money, etc., can’t hide or make up for a lack of character.
The truth of the matter is that any reasonably mentally-healthy person who is warm, loving, and responsible can have a satisfying relationship with virtually anyone else who fits that description and has compatible—not identical—goals.
So the next time you’re thinking about your relationship and wondering about that all-important Is-this-the-right-person-for-me question, flip it around and ask if you’re the right person.
That’s my take. Read more about relationships counseling and tell me what you think! If you’d like to learn more, reach out to me here. I look forward to speaking with you.
[…] article by Tara Parker-Pope in the New York Times in response to my previous relationship post, “Is This the Right Person for Me?”. It discusses the premise that couples who have exposed each other to new experiences, thereby […]